


All In

by tellthenight



Series: I'll Hold On to You [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, High School Student Castiel, High School Student Charlie, High School Student Dean, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-11 12:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4434722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellthenight/pseuds/tellthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you staying for dinner, Cas?” Mary asked. Cas and the Winchester boys sat at the kitchen table doing homework, Dean and Cas working more side-by-side than together since they only shared one class.</p>
<p>Castiel glanced at Dean and Dean spoke up for both of them. “Definitely.” he said.</p>
<p>Mary went about her business finishing dinner preparations and when she was safely away from the table, Dean leaned over to Cas. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I thought we could maybe say something about us tonight.”</p>
<p>Cas started to snap back, but closed his mouth when Mary came near to get something from the refrigerator. He watched her warily until she went back to the counter. “I don’t know, Dean.”</p>
<p>“It won’t be a big deal, I swear.”</p>
<p>“You said your dad-” Cas cut off again, this time because Sam’s eager head popped up, ready to listen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: implied child abuse, nothing explicit or even descriptive. Homophobia discussed.

“Are you staying for dinner, Cas?” Mary asked. Cas and the Winchester boys sat at the kitchen table doing homework, Dean and Cas working more side-by-side than together since they only shared one class.

 

Castiel glanced at Dean and Dean spoke up for both of them. “Definitely.” he said.

 

Mary went about her business finishing dinner preparations and when she was safely away from the table, Dean leaned over to Cas. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I thought we could maybe say something about us tonight.”

 

Cas started to snap back, but closed his mouth when Mary came near to get something from the refrigerator. He watched her warily until she went back to the counter. “I don’t know, Dean.”

 

“It won’t be a big deal, I swear.”

 

“You said your dad-” Cas cut off again, this time because Sam’s eager head popped up, ready to listen.

 

“Dad what?” Sam asked.

 

“Nothing. Do your math.” Dean slammed his book closed and dropped it into his backpack. “Hey mom, Cas and I are going upstairs for a little bit.”

 

“Okay. Dinner’s almost ready, so be ready to eat when I call you.”

 

“Yep.” Dean pulled his backpack onto his back and scooped up what was left of Cas’s homework on the table so they could leave the room faster. Cas grabbed his bag too and followed Dean up the stairs. Castiel started to warn Dean not to dump his things on the bed, but Dean surprised him by shuffling the books and notebooks around into a neat stack before handing them over.

 

“Thanks,” Cas said as he slid them into his bag.

 

“So I figure we tell them at dinner, Dad gets out whatever he gets out, and then you and I go get ice cream.” He sat down on the edge of the bed.

 

“I won’t feel much like ice cream if he yells at us for hours.” Cas sank onto the bed next to Dean and stared at the floor. The whole idea was overwhelming and the very definition of a thing Cas did *not* want to do.

 

“He won’t if you're here. I can pretty much guarantee that he’ll stare me into the ground while mom talks and then ask me to meet him outside, and-”

 

“Dean,” Cas tried to interrupt, but Dean moved right on, his smirk widening into a grin.

 

“-THEN he’ll yell at me. He likes you, Cas. He won’t yell at you.” Dean winked at Cas and picked up his hand. “See, if you’re there it will actually go better for me. He won’t yell as long or as loud. Plus it’s February, so it’s cold as fuck and he won’t last long in that.”

 

“I don’t understand how you can be so nonchalant about this.” Castiel’s voice was soft, but his words heavy.

 

Dean settled immediately and put his arm around Castiel’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, I just really don’t think it will be a problem.”

 

“You can’t be there when I tell my parents.” Castiel said suddenly, eyes firmly aimed at a mystery spot on the carpet. “I don’t know exactly what they’ll do and I don’t want you to be there.”

 

“But I do want to be there, Cas.”

 

“They already don’t like you, Dean.”

 

“And they haven’t pushed back too hard about us hanging out, have they? Your mom practically forced you down the street to meet me and Sam.”

 

“That was before she knew you. Now she calls you ‘those Winchester boys’ and holds the world record in eye-rolling.”

 

Dean laughed. “I’m proud of you, Cas! That’s practically a Winchester-worthy insult!”

 

Cas cracked a smile, but kept his eyes down. “Your influence has been noted by my parents.”

 

“Good. Someone needs to laugh around there.”

 

“Dean,” Cas started. “I mean it.”

 

“I know you do, Cas. If you don’t want me there I’ll just wait outside or… or whatever you want, okay?”

 

Cas popped his eyes up to meet Dean’s, wide in a way that was unusual for anyone but him. “Yeah?”

 

“Of course. Whatever you want.” Dean leaned in and kissed him.

 

Several knocks hit the door in quick succession. “Dean! Mom wants you to come down!” Sam shouted.

 

Dean broke away from Cas and grinned. “Okay!” he called back, and stood up, hauling Cas to his feet too. “Let’s go get this show on the road, huh?”

 

**************************

  


Dean could feel Castiel’s leg shaking hard under the table and he gripped that knee firmly to try to get it to stop. Castiel shifted uncomfortably and stared even more intently into the food he had barely eaten.

 

“Everything okay, Cas? Can I get you something else?” Mary asked and Dean saw the precise instant that Castiel’s heart dropped into his stomach.

 

“Oh, he’s fine, mom,” Dean said. “He just knew there was something I wanted to talk to you guys about and I think I made him nervous.” Dean glanced over at his dad, who didn’t even look up.

 

“Why would that be?” Mary asked.

 

“Well he wasn’t sure how you’d react so he’s here for, you know, support.” Dean smiled at her, then looked to John, who was less than impressed. “I told him you are both very understanding.”

 

“Spit it out, Dean. There’s a game on I want to catch.” John speared another bite on his fork and brought it to his mouth.

 

“Okay. So. I haven’t been seeing anyone for awhile- you know- since me and Lisa broke up, so I wanted to let you know I started dating someone.”

 

“Really? Who?” Mary asked at the same time John asked, “That’s it?” Mary glared at John just the way Dean knew she would and then turned back to her son. “That’s great, Dean. Anyone we know?”

 

“Yes.” Dean gripped Castiel’s hand under the table and smiled at him. “It’s Cas.”

 

No one made a sound for a minute. Sam’s eyes bugged out at them from across the table and John’s eyes settled heavy on Dean. Even Mary didn’t say anything and Dean started to really doubt everything he knew about his family. And then as if someone had pressed play on their little kitchen scene, Dean’s mother scooted back from the table and put her arms around Castiel for a hug. She hugged Dean too, and smiled at them each in turn.

 

“Thank you for telling us, and Cas- thank you for coming over tonight, honey.”

 

Dean heard what she was saying, but his eyes were on his dad.

 

“Dean- join me outside, okay?” John said.

 

Dean pushed back his chair immediately and shot Castiel a significant glance on his way around the table. Now they had rebounded back to what he’d anticipated. A little yelling and then they’d be on track for ice cream.

 

Dean pulled the door shut behind him as he followed his dad onto the back patio. It was colder than he thought it would be, which meant a shorter lecture. Excellent. But then Dean realized that his dad still hadn’t said anything, in fact, hadn’t even looked at him and then Dean got nervous.

 

“You want to tell me how that happened?” John nodded toward the door.

 

“Wh-what?”

 

“You and Cas.”

 

“I mean, we’ve been friends a while now.” Dean looked down.

 

“Keep going.” John’s voice was stiff, but not unkind.

 

“I don’t know- I just like him.” Dean smiled at the ground. “He’s… important to me, Dad. I asked him a couple weeks ago, but he was nervous about telling people.”

 

John nodded and paced the length of the back deck a couple times before he spoke again. “Can I ask about your… uh, previous girlfriends?”

 

“What about them?” Dean looked up at his father, confused.

 

“They were… real?”

 

“Yes.” Dean’s heart rate picked up. The lecture would start in 3… 2… 1…

 

“Have there been other boys before Cas?”

 

“Uh, no.”

 

“Okay. So you didn’t feel like you had to… hide this.”

 

Dean frowned. “I- no, not really. Should- should I have felt...”

 

“No!” John insisted. “I love you, Dean, and if… I really just want you to be happy, son, no matter who you’re with.”

 

Dean flushed. This was not at all the way he thought the conversation would go. “Um, thanks, Dad.”

 

John paced again, throwing a glance at Dean each time he turned to pace the other direction. “Have you boys thought this through?” He finally asked.

 

“I guess.”

 

“You know what the kids at school will say? People you think are your friends?”

 

“I’m not worried about my real friends and everyone else can go to hell.” Dean answered hotly.

 

The corner of John’s mouth curved up, but his face stayed deadly serious. “Did you think about Cas’s parents and what they’ll say?”

 

“Um, they obviously won’t be as good about it as you’re being.”

 

“Are you telling them tonight?”

 

“No. We hadn’t really talked about when yet, but Cas is really worried about it. He doesn’t want me to come with him.”

 

John nodded. “Okay.” He hooked an arm around Dean’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug. “Thanks for telling me, Dean. Always tell us stuff like this, alright?”

  
“Yeah, Dad. Of course.” Dean hugged him back.

 

John opened the door and let Dean go in first.

 

“Sammy, go upstairs.” John said as soon as he closed the door.

 

Sam didn’t argue. He pushed out from the table and went straight up, which Dean knew meant he’d be sitting at the top of the stairs listening anyway.

 

“Living room?” John asked. Dean went around the table to retrieve Cas, who was glued to his chair, eyes still on his plate.

 

“It’s okay,” Dean said softly. “He’s not mad at all.”

 

Cas nodded stiffly and stood up, following Dean out to the living room where they sat on one of the sofas. Mary sat in the rocking chair next to the couch and John took a seat in his recliner. Cas was shaking so hard it was starting to make Dean shake when John started to speak.

 

“Cas, Dean says you're worried about how your parents are going to take this news.” John said. “I want you to know your relationship with Dean is not a problem at our house. You are always welcome here.” John stopped and motioned to Dean with his head to see if he could get Cas to look up.

 

“Cas, it really is okay.” Dean pulled Cas’s hand from his lap and uncurled his tightly clenched fist so that they could hold hands. Cas wouldn’t even glance at Dean, and Dean wasn’t sure what to do next. He shrugged to his dad and watched his parents exchange a look.

 

“Cas, can you look at me?” John asked.

 

Cas swallowed hard and tipped his chin up.

 

“I mean every word I’m saying. I want you to see on my face that that is the truth, okay?”

 

Cas nodded almost imperceptibly.

 

“Dean says you don’t want him to go with you to talk to your parents. I don’t want him to go either.”

 

“Dad!”

 

John held up his hand against Dean’s protest.

 

“I won’t have him go somewhere where he isn’t safe. Is it safe for Dean if he goes there, Cas?”

 

Cas swallowed and shook his head.

 

John nodded. “Is it safe for you if you tell them, Cas?”

 

Cas half-heartedly shrugged, but his eyes dropped.

 

“Cas…” Dean leaned into him, his eyes popped wide. “Dad…” He looked up at his father, then to his mother. Mary came to sit on Cas’s other side.

 

John got up from his chair and knelt in front of Cas. “You don’t have to tell your parents anything, Cas.” John said. “But if you do I want to be the one to be there with you.”

 

Dean leaned down to see Castiel’s face. He had screwed his eyes tight closed and tears were starting to snake from the inner corners.

 

“God, Cas. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” Dean put both arms around Castiel and Cas turned toward him.

 

“I’m serious, Cas.” John said. “You say the word and I’ll go with you.”

 

Castiel nodded against Dean. He pushed back and swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry,” he croaked. “Mr. Winchester. Thank you.” Cas looked into John’s eyes, his own eyes red and blurry.

  
“Call me John, Cas.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cas…” Dean’s voice broke and finally Cas looked over. Dean was hurt and it showed all over his face.
> 
> Cas slumped forward and sighed. “What, Dean?”
> 
> “I just… you haven’t said anything to me all weekend.” Dean’s voice shook a little. After they had talked with Dean’s parents on Friday night, he and Cas had parted on good terms, and Dean had expected Cas to come over to spend Saturday with him like he usually did, but Cas didn’t show by noon and when Dean texted him he got no answer. The next day was the same thing, and Dean was a little surprised to see Cas waiting on the front step when he and Sammy went out to the impala.
> 
> “I needed to think.” Cas looked down at the backpack on his lap.
> 
> “About?” Dean prompted.
> 
> “This whole thing. I- I just have to think about it, okay?” Cas pushed the door open and was out of the car and slamming it closed before Dean could protest.
> 
> Dean’s chest tightened and he pulled in a few painful breaths before grabbing his own bag from the backseat and heading inside before the bell rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: implied child abuse, nothing explicit or even descriptive. Homophobia mildly discussed.

Dean pulled into the middle school parking lot and shooed Sammy out of the back seat so he and Cas could get on their way to the high school a few blocks over. Dean kept glancing at Cas, hoping he would say something, and when he didn’t, Dean spoke up.

 

“Did you get your homework done?”

 

Cas frowned at him. “Of course.”

 

Dean nodded and turned his attention back to driving. What a stupid question- of course Cas had his homework done. Super A+ only students always had their homework done. He pulled into the parking lot and into his assigned spot, and sat staring forward even after he put the car in park and turned it off. Cas started to get out, and Dean grabbed his arm.

 

“Wait, Cas.”

 

“I want to get to class on time.”

 

“Cas…” Dean’s voice broke and finally Cas looked over. Dean was hurt and it showed all over his face.

 

Cas slumped forward and sighed. “What, Dean?”

 

“I just… you haven’t said anything to me all weekend.” Dean’s voice shook a little. After they had talked with Dean’s parents on Friday night, he and Cas had parted on good terms, and Dean had expected Cas to come over to spend Saturday with him like he usually did, but Cas didn’t show by noon and when Dean texted him he got no answer. The next day was the same thing, and Dean was a little surprised to see Cas waiting on the front step when he and Sammy went out to the impala.

 

“I needed to think.” Cas looked down at the backpack on his lap.

 

“About?” Dean prompted.

 

“This whole thing. I- I just have to think about it, okay?” Cas pushed the door open and was out of the car and slamming it closed before Dean could protest.

 

Dean’s chest tightened and he pulled in a few painful breaths before grabbing his own bag from the backseat and heading inside before the bell rang.

 

****************

 

Dean slid into his seat for second period and got out his notebook and pen. He had no idea what had happened in his first class, but he had mechanically written down everything that went on the board.

 

“Hey.” Charlie took the seat next to him, her bright smile aimed at him until she really saw him and her face fell too..

 

“What’s wrong, Dean?”

 

Dean shrugged and focused his eyes on the notebook on his desk.

 

“Dean, come on. It’s me.”

 

“Leave it alone, Charlie.” He hissed just as the bell rang and he was free from her potential verbal assault. Charlie sighed and pulled out her notebook as well, but her dark eyes were more focused on Dean than the teacher.

 

Halfway through class she shoved a folded piece of paper onto his desk. He shot her a sideways glare but opened it when the teacher was turned away.

 

**RUDE!!!**

**Just tell me so I can help.**

 

Dean thought for a long time, planning not to respond, but he could feel Charlie’s eyes burning into him and he knew they had the next two classes together as well and there was absolutely zero chance that she would let it go.

 

**It’s between me and Cas. I promised not to tell so I really can’t.**

 

He waited a minute then passed it back and didn’t watch her open it. She didn’t pass anything back so he thought he was off the hook. Charlie would respect his promise to Cas. Right?

 

The second the bell rang he shoved his things into his bag and heaved it onto his shoulder, but Charlie was right there whispering to him.

 

“Did you finally ask him out? Did he freak?”

 

“God, Charlie! Just let it go, okay?” He rushed out of the room, but Charlie was close on his heels.

 

“You look like you’re dying, Dean. I just want to help.”

 

Dean kept walking. Third period was the one class he had with Cas, and it was going to be hard enough without Charlie barking in his ear. “I told you. It’s between me and Cas.”

 

“So you had a fight. You don’t have to tell me details, but…” Her eyes dropped sadly at the corners and she went quiet while they navigated the last hall to their class.

 

“You look like you’re going to puke.”

 

Fine,” he said when they reached the next classroom. They sat in their usual seats in the back and leaned together so Dean could talk without sharing his news with the entire class. He tried to decide what he could say that wouldn’t betray Castiel’s situation at home. “I came out to my parents Friday night with Cas there.”

 

Charlie’s eyes fluttered as she took in the news. “Well gold star to you for finally doing it. Did they freak out?”

 

“No, they were actually really cool. Even my dad.”

 

“Good!”

 

“But then Cas hasn’t talked to me all weekend. Like he wouldn’t even return a text and this morning he said he needs time to think.”

 

“So give him time to think.”

 

“He’s going to break up with me.” Dean whispered, and he started to shake when he said it out loud. “I can’t, Charlie. I …”

 

Her eyes went wide suddenly and Dean realized too late what he had said. “Oh god- Charlie, you can’t…”

 

She nodded, her head bouncing comically fast. “How long have you guys-”

 

Castiel walked into the room at that moment and Dean’s eyes followed him as he went to sit in the far front corner away from his his usual spot with Dean and Charlie. His chest pulled tight again and he gasped in a breath.

 

“Oh my god… okay.” Charlie said. “Don’t- just… don’t puke.”

 

Dean laid his head down on the desk and the bell rang. He kept his head down most of class for fear that Charlie was right and his breakfast wouldn’t stay put for long. When the bell rang at the end, he lifted his head hoping Cas would at least look at him but Castiel rushed out without a glance. Charlie didn’t say anything as they walked to their next class together, but she did mitigate contact with others so that he didn’t have to talk to anyone.

 

Dean missed everything in the next two classes also and trudged his way through the cafeteria line. After he picked up the tray of food he wasn’t going to eat, he started toward his regular table. Charlie was there already—and so was Cas.

 

Dean veered off and went through the double doors to a patio where there were a few picnic tables. No one was out there because it was February and still cold, but that suited Dean just fine. It was warm enough to sit out for the length of the lunch period. He set the tray down and zipped his leather jacket before sitting himself. He poked at his food, drank a little and decided his stomach was too unsettled to make a serious attempt at eating. What he did force down sat heavy in his stomach.

 

He heard the doors behind him and looked up.

 

“I can’t leave you out here alone,” Charlie said.

 

“Go back in. It’s cold out here.”

 

Charlie ignored him and sat on the bench. “Are you going to at least try to talk to him?”

 

“How am I supposed to do that when he won’t even sit by me?”

 

Charlie sat quiet next to him for a moment. “I’ll be right back,” she said, and practically ran inside. When the doors popped open again she was virtually dragging Cas along by his collar.

 

“No, Charlie, I-“ Dean started, but Charlie cut him off with a look.

 

“You two talk about whatever this is. You-“ she pointed at Cas. “- are killing him. And you-“ she pointed at Dean. “-need to calm the fuck down and listen.”

 

Charlie looked back and forth between them. “Work it out before next class.” She turned and went back inside.

 

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, Cas. I didn’t even mean to tell her but she just kept talking and staring at me and-.”

 

“I figured,” Cas said.

 

“And I didn’t say anything about your folks, just that you and I have been dating a little while.”

 

Cas didn’t say a word, just kept his eyes anywhere but Dean.

 

Dean broke first. “Just do it, okay? Waiting for you to break up with me is way fucking worse than getting it over with. So just do it.”

 

Castiel’s head was down and he breathed in deep before he answered. “Is that what you want?”

 

“What I want? Christ- no! I-I want you to talk to me again. I want everything back to normal and not you dodging my texts. I mean- what the hell, man?”

 

Castiel nodded, but his head bobbed a little too long and Dean ducked to see his face in time to catch a tear dropping off the end of Castiel’s nose.

 

“Cas…” Dean reached out to him, but Cas ignored the hand and hastily swiped at his face.

 

“I’m sorry, Dean. I got home Friday and I was so happy until my parents got home and asked to see my homework and I realized…” He stopped to breath like every word was sapping his energy. “I realized that it won’t be okay. My dad isn’t like your dad. There is no universe where he will understand this.” Another deep restoring breath. “He’ll kick me out at best and beat the hell out of me at worst. And my mom- she’ll follow along like she always does. I have to be able to pay for college, Dean and I can’t do that on my own.”

 

“You’ll be getting scholarship letters any day now, Cas, and you’re a sure thing for a full ride.”

 

“There’s no such thing as a sure thing, Dean, and even if I did get that, there’s room and board and books and…” Cas trailed off like he’d lost all the air in his lungs. When he spoke again his voice was small and defeated. “If I tell them I’m gay they will ruin my life. And if I tell them about you… I don’t know what will happen.” Cas shook as he breathed, and Dean realized he was still fending off tears. “I can’t be responsible for that, Dean. I can’t put you in...”

 

Dean wanted more than anything to pull him into a fierce hug and hold him tight, but he was more than aware of the windows of the school and Cas’s need to keep this quiet. He settled for scooting a little closer on the bench and hoping Cas didn’t move too like a magnet repelled.

 

“So… are we through? We can’t be together? No prom?” Dean asked it all slow and quiet, hoping for one answer and knowing it was very likely the other.

 

“That day you asked me and we skated. I honestly couldn’t believe you asked because I never thought you would ask a guy. I never thought you’d think of me like that and I was so happy that you did and… I shouldn’t have said yes. I didn’t think it all through. I ignored the reality of my parents and people here at school-”

 

“So fuck them, right? If you want to do this, if you think it’s right for you, you should do it.”

 

“You know it’s not that easy.”

 

The bell rang to signal return to classes, but the boys didn’t move.

 

“I know, Cas. I-” Dean couldn’t look away from him. If they were breaking up he didn’t want to do it looking away. “I just want to be with you. If you can’t or don’t want to do that, I understand.”

 

Cas’s face drained, but he didn’t say anything and silence stretched between them long enough that the bell rang again to signal the beginning of the next class.

 

“You know, you never told me about your dad.” Dean finally said.

 

Cas sniffed. “It’s been awhile since it last happened. I didn’t know you as well then.”

 

“You could come stay with me. You know my parents wouldn’t care.”

 

“Dean, I can’t just leave-“

 

The door opened behind them. “Boys, you’re late!”

 

Dean’s shoulders slumped in relief at the sound of his baseball coach’s voice. “Coach, can we get a late pass for next hour? Cas and I are… uh. He’s um…”

 

“I’ll give you a pass if you head to class now,” Coach Hendrickson said, holding the door open for them to come inside. Dean and Cas stood and Dean grabbed his tray. Coach frowned at Castiel’s tear-stained face as he walked through the door and he stopped Dean. “Is he okay?”

 

Dean watched Cas walk to the doorway of the cafeteria, waiting for Dean to catch up. “Not really.”

 

“Does he need to talk to someone?” Coach seemed genuinely concerned, but Dean knew there was no way Cas would talk with anyone at school about his parents and risk some sort of investigation.

 

“He won’t.” Dean went to dump his tray while Coach Hendrickson wrote them each a pass into class.

 

“Let me know if I can help, Dean.” Coach said. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, of course. Cas is just, you know, having a hard time.” Dean faked a smile. “Thanks for the passes. I really appreciate it,” he said, and walked away before he cracked.

 

“Hey. Coach wants to help if you’ll-“

 

“No. Don’t ask me to do that.”

 

“Okay, okay.” Dean held up his hands to show he was going to forget the whole thing. “Will you at least meet me at the impala after school? I’d love to give you a ride home.”

 

“I’ll be there.” Cas smiled at him for the first time in days and Dean felt instantly lighter.

 

*******************

Dean waited in the impala for what seemed like eternity before Cas showed up. He slid into the passenger seat and apologized for taking so long. He shoved his backpack onto the floorboard and reached for Dean’s hand. Dean let him take it, hoping it meant he had made a decision. At this point Dean just wanted to know what was happening between them.

 

“I’m really sorry about today. And the weekend. I can’t tell my parents about this, and I hope you understand that.”

 

“Yeah, Cas. I understand.” Dean couldn’t keep the disappointment from his voice. It was coming.

 

“They haven’t caught on with me coming over all the time and going out to do stuff together, so we can keep doing that. I think we can even do prom together if we go in a group and maybe Charlie and Jo would be willing to-”

 

“Wait- what?” Dean looked up at Cas and frowned. “But your parents and college and-”

 

“And you.” Castiel met his eyes with as much emotion as Dean had ever seen him have. “I tried all weekend and all afternoon to figure out how to end things because it’s the smart thing to do, but… I can’t. I really can’t. I don’t want to. So… I’m really sorry for putting you through all this and I hope things can be okay between us if we keep things quiet so that my parents don’t find out.”

 

“Yes. Definitely.” Dean squeezed Cas’s hand. “I’m sorry too.”

 

They went to pick up Sam after his math club meeting and as soon as they were out of sight of the school Cas scooted closer to Dean and Dean put his arm around him. Finally. Everything was right again after three days of misery for both of them.

 

Mary welcomed the boys home and particularly hugged Cas, telling him how much they missed him over the weekend. They all sat down with homework like Mary had demanded of her boys from very young.

 

They all had dinner together and afterward Dean and Cas went out on the front porch. It was still cold, though February was dying down and hints of March were coming through Kansas. Dean pushed the porch swing with one lazy foot and Cas leaned against the opposite end letting Dean do all the work.

 

“I don’t want to let you go home.” Dean said finally.

 

“It’s okay. Nothing is wrong right now. My grades are good, I’m being quiet and staying out of the way. I told you- nothing has happened like that in a while.”

 

“Since you moved here though?”

 

Cas blushed in spite of the cold temperatures. “Yes.”

 

Dean tried to keep his temper down. “More than once?”

 

Cas stared at his house dark and silent across the street. “What do you want, Dean? You want every last detail? Because I’m not going to-“

 

Dean grabbed his hand. “No. I-“ he stopped. He wrapped his fingers tight around Cas’s and scooted closer on the bench. “I just want you to be safe.”

 

“I’m fine. I told you- I’m staying out of the way.”

 

“But you shouldn’t have to just stay out of the way! You should be able to just be.”

 

“I can’t, okay?” Cas spoke softly, sadly. “Can we not talk about this?”

 

“Of course. Sorry.” Dean started to put his arm around Cas but glanced at Cas’s house.

 

“It’s okay.” Cas said. “It’s only, what? 6:30 on a Monday? My parents won’t be home until at least 8.” Cas leaned into Dean’s side and Dean settled his arm around him. Cas laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. It was dark and the stars were bright in the cold night sky. They sat together, breaths puffing in warm clouds. Dean wanted to say something, he wanted to make everything better, but he was still angry and there was nothing he could think of to say that didn’t reflect his anger.

 

“If I get into KU do you want to room together?” Dean finally asked.

 

Cas laughed. “What do you mean ‘if’? You’re getting in.”

 

“I appreciate your confidence in me.” Dean squeezed Cas tighter. “I hope I do.”

 

“You will. And of course I’ll room with you.”

 

Dean shrugged his shoulder and Cas lifted his head, smiling. Dean leaned in and kissed him. “Can I take you out on a date sometime?” he asked.

 

Cas stiffened a little. “Too many people know my parents. They’ll find out.”

 

“I was thinking we could go somewhere in Olathe maybe. They don’t know people there, right?”

 

Cas brightened. “That would be great.” He leaned in and kissed Dean, gripping his shoulder. Dean deepened the kiss.

 

A bright light hit their faces and they both pulled back. The car headlights swung onto their road and Cas froze. “Is that my dad’s car?” He asked, his voice almost gone. The car pulled into the Milton’s driveway and Cas gripped Dean’s arm. “Dean- did he see us? Do you think he saw-“

 

The car pulled into the garage and the door went down.

 

“There’s no way, Cas. He didn’t see anything.”

 

Cas’s phone rang in his pocket. He looked at it and immediately pulled away from Dean. He swallowed hard before he answered. “Hi, dad.”

 

Dean froze.

 

Castiel nodded, his eyes falling as he listened.

 

“Yes. Yes, sir.” Castiel hung up and his hand fell to his lap. “I need to go home right away.” He stood up and went inside, Dean chasing after him.

 

“Cas, wait. Don’t- don’t go. Please.”

 

“I have to, Dean. He’s very upset.” Cas went up the stairs to retrieve his backpack, each step heavy on the stairs.

 

Dean turned him around, gripping his shoulders. “Cas, please. Take me with you.”

 

“No.” Cas shrugged out of Dean’s hold and grabbed his backpack off the floor.

 

“Then please take my dad. He was serious, okay? He’ll go with you and-“

 

“Boys?” John appeared in Dean’s doorway. “Problem?”

 

Dean could only watch as Cas closed in on himself and lowered his head.

 

“Mr. Milton came home late and we think he saw us together on the porch. He called Cas to come home.”

 

John breathed in deep. “Cas, are you okay?”

 

“I have to go,” Cas said. “If I take too long-”

 

“I’m going with you. You don’t have to tell them anything about you and Dean, but I’m going with you.” John said.

 

Cas stood like a statue, head down. “Okay,” he finally said in a small voice.

 

Dean grabbed him into a hug. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

 

Cas was stiff against him, and Dean considered for the first time that maybe he was wrong and it was one of those things that would never be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I greatly appreciate your comments.
> 
> You can find more of my work at captainawesomeellie.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dean, you’re staying here.”
> 
> “Dad-”
> 
> John fixed him in place with a grim look and Dean shut his mouth. Castiel followed John out the door, and before they reached the end of the Winchester’s driveway John had a firm hand on Castiel’s shoulder and bent a little as he talked in Cas’s ear. Dean had no idea what he was saying to Cas, but he hoped it was comforting.
> 
> Dean sat out on the porch swing watching them go. When they reached the Milton’s front door, Cas pushed it open and John stepped in behind him, standing in the doorway for a long time before he actually entered the place and the front door was closed. 
> 
> And that was it. No way to know what was going on. At least Dean knew Castiel wouldn’t be hurt. John wouldn’t leave him there if he thought it was even a remote possibility.
> 
> The screen door creaked open and Mary leaned around the door frame. “Do you want company?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: implied child abuse, nothing explicit. Homophobia discussed.

“Dean, you’re staying here.”

“Dad-”

John fixed him in place with a grim look and Dean shut his mouth. Castiel followed John out the door, and before they reached the end of the Winchester’s driveway John had a firm hand on Castiel’s shoulder and bent a little as he talked in Cas’s ear. Dean had no idea what he was saying to Cas, but he hoped it was comforting.

Dean sat out on the porch swing watching them go. When they reached the Milton’s front door, Cas pushed it open and John stepped in behind him, standing in the doorway for a long time before he actually entered the place and the front door was closed.

And that was it. No way to know what was going on. At least Dean knew Castiel wouldn’t be hurt. John wouldn’t leave him there if he thought it was even a remote possibility.

The screen door creaked open and Mary leaned around the door frame. “Do you want company?”

Dean shrugged and she interpreted that as a yes. Mary slid out the door, a blanket wrapped around her, and sat next to her oldest son. She pulled one side of the blanket around him and scooted close so they could both be warm in the late February air.

There was a lot he wanted to say- Cas would never hurt anyone or anything, so why did this happen to him? Why did Cas have to end up with the shitty parents? Why did he have to spend his whole life trying to stay out of the way? Dean was glad his mother didn’t try to make him talk. She told him once before that trying to force a Winchester man to do anything he didn’t want to do was an exercise in futility. So she waited out her Winchester men, and Dean knew that that was what she was doing to him now. He didn’t even mind. He just knew that if he opened his mouth now all the questions and anger and worry would flood together into a big ugly indecipherable mess.

“Your dad will take care of him.” Mary said gently.

Dean nodded. He knew that with everything in him.

“He won’t let Cas stay if he would be in danger.”

“I know.”

The screen door creaked again. “Hey... can I come out too?” Sam asked.

“Of course,” Mary said. “Bring another blanket. You boys are getting too big.” She put her arm around Dean’s shoulders. “I’m never going to get used to thinking of you as an adult.”

  
That got a small laugh out of Dean. “I don’t really want to be an adult if everything is as painful as this,” he said.

Mary looked out at the night sky and into the stars. The screen door squeaked as Sam came out with another blanket that he wrapped around himself and draped some of the remainder over Mary after he sat on her other side.

“It’s not that being an adult is painful, it’s that you come to understand which things are really important and what doesn’t matter. The injustices of the world stand out a little more starkly.”

“I wish Cas hadn’t had to live like that his whole life. With a mom and dad like that.” Dean said softly. “I mean, dad gets mad about some stuff- I expected him to be mad about me dating Cas, but he just talked to me and- and... “ Dean sniffed and then breathed in deep again to try to keep himself from really crying.

“Your dad is a good man. He’s not perfect, but he loves you and that’s the most important thing. I hope you both know that.”

They all watched the home a few houses down from theirs and across the street waiting for John to come home. The door opened just a few minutes later and John came out, and for a moment Dean was hopeful that everything was okay with Cas’s parents, but then Cas came out as well, holding a big bag in his arms. John took it from him and leaned in, talking to him for a minute before they walked over to the Winchester’s house.

“Cas…” was all Dean could say when John and Cas reached the front porch. He jumped up to hug Castiel, squeezed him tight until Cas relaxed into him and laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. What was he supposed to say? Instead of talking he slipped Cas’s heavy backpack off his shoulders and set it on the porch and held Cas again.

“It looks like Cas is going to be staying with us for awhile.” John said. “We need to get some things ready for him.”

“We can do that, can’t we, Sam?” Mary said. She and Sam both got up and went inside. John didn’t linger either. He grabbed Castiel’s backpack and took it in, along with the big bag.

Mary had left a blanket outside on the bench and Dean whispered to Castiel to come sit with him. Cas shuffled to the bench with him and Dean tucked the blanket tight around him. He tried to stay quiet too, to let Castiel talk when he was ready, but he wanted nothing more than to ask a bunch of questions.

“Your dad is...” Castiel started, but his voice faded with each word.

“A little scary?”

Castiel snorted. “No. He’s just… he’s a good man. He stood up to my dad and he said…” Tears started narrow trails down Castiel’s cheeks and he paused for a little bit before continuing. “He said he wouldn’t leave without me. It was like he really cared.”

“He does. He maybe doesn’t always say it right, but he does. I told you- he likes you.”

“Dean, he looked at me like… like I was you. Like I really believed he would scale a mountain to find me. And my dad…” Castiel collapsed against Dean, the tears getting the better of him.

Dean laid his cheek against Castiel’s hair and pulled him closer. It was all going to be okay, he told himself. Everything would work out for Cas and for the two of them. He led Cas inside where it was actually warm and they sat together on the couch, Cas cuddled into Dean’s side with Dean’s arms around him.

******************************

 

When Dean woke up his neck hurt and his legs were stiff. He moved to stretch, then realized someone was laying half on top of him. _Cas._ That’s right- Cas was here with him. Dean tried very hard not to wake him while he got up to go to the bathroom. When he came back though, Cas was laying on his back on the couch, his unusually wide eyes staring straight at the ceiling.

“Hey, Cas.”

Castiel didn’t say anything. Dean knelt next to the couch. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but it seemed right.

“Why am I here, Dean?”

“I don’t know, but I’m glad you are.”

“I spent my whole life doing right things. I thought that was supposed to count for something.”

“I don’t know if that’s how it works,” Dean suggested, but Cas completely mowed over his idea.

“You’re supposed to be good and respectful and kind and I was all those things. I got good grades, I did what they asked, and then it was about you and how I spent too much time with you.”

“Ah. I was the bad boy in this scenario, huh?

Cas went quiet and Dean immediately regretted trying to play the joke off. “Cas, if breaking up with me makes peace with your parents and that’s what you want…” Dean took a breath. Did he really want to say it out loud? He tried, but he couldn’t finish it. He couldn’t tell Cas to break up with him. Instead he took Castiel’s hand, weaved their fingers together, and tried to imitate his mother’s “wait it out” style.

“They asked what you did to me. Like all the time we spent together was so you could ‘convert’ me. They tried to make it all you because it couldn’t possibly be me. So they said all their shit and then I told them I was gay and they told me to get out. I only got to bring some stuff with me because your dad threatened my dad. I guess your uncle is a cop or something?”

“Uncle Bobby is, yeah.”

Cas went quiet again. Dean held his hand and waited. “You’re lucky, Dean.”

“I know.” Dean leaned over their joined hands and brushed his lips over Castiel’s knuckles. “I’m sorry your parents don’t understand how great you are.”

Castiel breathed in with a pained gasp and Dean realized he was crying and probably had been for awhile. But now it was full on sobs and Dean got up on the couch and pulled him into a hug. “It’s okay, Cas. I’m here with you.” It wasn’t enough, but it was all Dean could think to say. Cas clung to him and Dean could feel him trying to breathe in deep and calm down.

After Cas stopped breathing so desperately, Dean asked if he wanted to go upstairs to a real bed and Cas took his hand. They went up to Dean’s room and saw that Mary and Sam had set up an air mattress on the floor.

“I’ll take the floor, you take the bed.” Dean said. Cas sat on the edge of Dean’s bed but didn’t make a move to lay down when Dean turned off the light.

“Cas, come on. You need to sleep more.” Dean pleaded. He sat on the bed next to Cas and put his arm around him. Cas’s head lowered to Dean’s shoulder like it was the most automatic motion in the world. Dean held him like that for a few minutes, but then pulled him to stand. He flipped back the covers and practically forced Cas to get in. The only thing that eased Cas’s body was Dean climbing in behind him. Dean’s bed wasn’t so big, but it was a lot better than trying to share the couch together. He pulled the blankets up over both of them and settled his arm over Castiel’s body, bent at the elbow so that his hand covered Cas’s heart. It was beating wildly and Dean leaned in to kiss Castiel’s neck chastely.

“Sleep, okay?” He nuzzled his head close to Cas’s and tried to relax so that Cas would get the hint and relax too. After a minute Cas’s hand closed around his and he heard a sigh and a ‘thank you’ whispered so softly he thought he imagined it.

*************

Dean woke first the next morning, arm still held tight against Castiel’s chest. Light blazed in his bedroom window and he blinked against it. Should he wake him? No- he deserved to stay home from school today. Dean rolled enough to look for his cell on the nightstand where he usually kept it at night, but it wasn’t there and Castiel rolled with him, holding tight to his arm.

It was in his pocket, he realized, and he worked his arm free by hooking his chin over Castiel’s shoulder so they were practically cheek to cheek. Castiel leaned into him and Dean took the chance to free his arm even though Castiel protested in his sleep and retrieved his phone. He nearly choked when he saw the time.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked, eyes still closed.

“Nothing. We’re not going to school today, man.”

That woke Castiel up. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “What time is it?”

“10:30. Want some breakfast?” Dean rolled out of bed and stretched before he turned back to Cas and smiled. “I can definitely get used to you waking up here.”

Castiel shook his head, but Dean saw a smile curl the edges of his mouth, at least on one side.

“Come on, Cas. Food. Starving.” He reached out for Cas’s hand, and Cas gave it. He swung his legs out and stood to hug Dean.

“Thank you. I- staying here is, I mean if you don’t want-”

Dean pulled back to look straight into Cas’s deep blue eyes. “Cas, don’t even start to think that. You’re my best friend- of course you’re going to stay here.” He kissed him quickly and grinned. “Food. Let’s go.”

Downstairs, Mary was at the table with a cup of coffee and she smiled at the boys. Cas held back in the doorway, pulling Dean to a stop too.

“Cas…” he started, but Cas looked pale and Dean put a hand to his back.

“Come in, Cas.” Mary stood and went to his side too. “Make yourself at home. Really.”

Cas nodded, but only moved when Dean pulled him along.

“Thanks for letting us sleep, Mom.” Dean said as he popped open the fridge and pulled out milk and orange juice.  
“Your dad wanted you both to take a day. Cas, He spoke with your father about calling in an excused absence for you today, so don’t worry about your homework. I’ll go in and get your work and Dean’s when I go pick up Sam.”

Cas nodded at her and thanked her softly.

Dean had pulled out a few boxes of cereal. “Pick something, Cas.” Cas looked back and forth at his options so many times that Dean handed him a random box and put everything else away. He poured two bowls and carried them to the table, went back for the milk and orange juice then got two glasses from the cabinet. Cas stood in the middle of the kitchen watching it all, unable to move.

“Cas.” Mary gently touched Castiel’s arm. “Cas, are you okay?”

He breathed in a stuttered breath and shook his head subtly no. “I’m sorry, I-”

Mary gathered him into her arms like she was the taller of the two of them. She held him tight and he shook against her. Dean didn’t know what to do until Mary smiled to him over Castiel’s shoulder and motioned for him to come join them. Dean put his arms around them both, and Mary spoke quietly, mostly to Cas but for Dean to hear too.

“Cas, John and I wanted you to come here. We want this to be your home and for you to feel safe and comfortable here. I know you might not feel like that for awhile, but I hope you do someday. Get anything from the fridge, stay up late or not, get your homework done- like you’re one of our boys, okay? You’re one of our boys now.” She kissed his temple and squeezed him. “I’m running to the store soon, so let me know what you like to eat.”

Dean stepped back and Mary squeezed Castiel’s shoulder before she let him go. She hugged Dean then too, and asked him to make her a list. Dean nodded and turned back to Cas.

“Come eat something.” He took Castiel’s hand and led him to sit at the table and started pouring cereal into Cas’s bowl. Mary started out of the room but paused when she heard Cas.

“Mrs. Winchester, why are you all being so nice to me?”

Her smile melted a little when he asked it and she held onto the doorframe. “Sweetheart, you are a really good kid. I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t be nice to you.” She went and knelt next to his chair and he looked down at her with those wide eyes. “You are a great friend to Dean, you’re nice to Sam, you make Dean study harder… and those are the most superficial reasons. You are you, Cas, and that’s why I like you.” She stood and squeezed his shoulder again.

“You boys make me that list, now. I’m going to go get a few things and then I want to head out of here.”  
“Yes, Ma’am.” Dean said, as he went on pouring out breakfast cereal and orange juice and milk.

Mary left then and Dean put a hand on Castiel’s knee. “Eat, man.”

Castiel nodded and ate.

*******************

Castiel didn’t contribute much to the list, but Dean knew a few of Cas’s favorites and put them on there for him. So what if it was all junk food that his mom never let them have. She’d get it all this time while Cas was feeling low and get them all back to eating salads and what not by the end of the week.

After Mary left for the store they took turns getting showers and Dean loaned Cas some clothes when he couldn’t bear to open the bag he had brought from home. Dean pulled the comforter off his bed and set them up on the living room couch watching A New Hope, only pausing long enough to help Mary put away groceries when she got back from the store. They were well into The Empire Strikes Back when Mary left to pick up their assignments and to get Sam at the middle school.

The second school released there was a flurry of texts from Charlie, asking what the heck had happened between Dean and Cas. Dean explained as succinctly as he could without giving away anything Cas might not want her to know. He told her everything was fine, but they needed a day off, which she totally didn’t buy and threatened to stop over.

“Hey, Cas, do you want Charlie to come over? We don’t have to say anything about your parents.”

Cas thought for a minute. “If it’s okay with your parents.”

Dean texted her back to come, while trying to reassure Cas that his parents wouldn’t care.

Charlie showed up just a little ahead of Mary and Sam and curled up on the couch with the boys under the comforter. Sam joined them too when he got home and they all started Return of the Jedi together. They paused to put together nachos and popcorn for dinner and even John watched the end with them when he got home.

“Cas, can I talk to you for a minute?” John asked when the movie ended.

“Yes, sir.” Castiel’s eyes went big but he got up right away, extricating himself from the Dean/Charlie/Sam dogpile on the couch.

When they left the room, Charlie turned to Dean. “Is everything okay?”  
Dean shrugged. “Probably.” He nudged Sam. “Get up, Moose. Pick up all the food and stuff.” Charlie helped too and the three of them made quick work of the living room. But when Cas and John still hadn’t returned, Dean did start to worry. They were out on the back deck in their jackets, both leaning against the rail, John next to Cas and neither of them looking at each other. Cas was talking more than Dean had seen him talk to hardly anyone and John was nodding along. At least he was getting it all out to someone. John glanced up just enough to catch Dean at the window and smiled briefly at him. He said something to Cas and Cas looked up too and nodded. John motioned Dean out and he grabbed a jacket before he joined them.

“Everything okay?” Dean asked.

“I think so. Just telling Cas that I talked to Bobby a bit today and it would probably be best if Cas stay with us for awhile.”

“How long is that?”

John looked at Cas to answer.. “Until they ask me to come back and actually make changes. Or until I turn 18 maybe.”

“I was just talking to Cas about college. It might be best for Cas to get a part time job, you know- make a little extra to cover books and some of that and in the summer work as much as he can. When the time comes we’ll help him apply for work study and whatever we can to help him cover his expenses. Between me and Bobby I think we can find enough work for Cas and still give him enough time for his studies. You boys may not get as much time together as you’d like, but Cas needs to do this.”

Cas nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Winchester.”

“Please, Cas- John, okay?”

Dean couldn’t resist. “Can I call you John too?” and regretted it the instant John’s face went from considerate to stern.

“Don’t you have homework to make up?” John asked.

Dean shrank back. “Yes, sir,” he said and started inside.

“Dean, why don’t you stay here. Cas, I’ll talk to you again after I get some stuff worked out with Bobby. You figure out what we talked about, okay?”

“Yes. Thank you.” Cas scurried inside and Dean prepared himself.

“He’s going to need a friend, Dean.”  
Dean snorted. “What do you think we are? Cas and I have been friends for a long time now.”

“More than a boyfriend, Dean. He doesn’t have anyone else in his life and he needs all of us right now if he’s going to do this.”

“I know that.” Dean got serious then. Cas’s entire future might depend on his family’s support.

“Then you’re going to have to put yourself aside sometimes. See where he’s coming from, give him some room. He’s not going to have time for you in the same way he did before.”

Dean leaned against the railing next to his father. “He almost broke up with me yesterday.”

“Why?”

“Because if his parents knew he might not get to go to college and if they knew about me he was afraid-” Dean’s voice cracked and he sniffed hard and blinked to keep tears from coming.

“Dean, it’s okay that he’s afraid. And he might make some decisions because he’s afraid. You have to be his friend no matter what he decides, because that’s what he needs.”

Dean sniffed and toed at the remainder of snow on the edge of the deck. “I don’t want to lose him,” he said.

John slung his arm around Dean’s shoulders. “Come here, kid,” and pulled him into a hug. “I’m sorry Cas has such a shitty situation. We’re going to help him as much as we can, but I don’t want you to get too hurt in all this.”

“Did he tell you something? Dad?” Dean’s stomach dropped. “Did he tell you that-”

“Dean, come on. Calm down, kid.” John squeezed him hard again and let him go. “Don’t smother him, okay? Let him come to you and he’ll talk when he’s ready.”

Dean nodded and wiped his eyes clear.

“I think we’re going to move you in with Sam and give Cas his own space for a little bit. We’ll change it back when things calm down.”

Dean agreed, but it was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Don’t worry, Dean. This will work out. We just have to give Cas some time to adjust.”

John kept an arm over Dean’s shoulder until the got to the door and he let Dean go ahead of him. Dean shrugged out of his jacket and hung it by the door. Charlie and Cas were talking in the living room with Cas’s back to him and Dean waved half-heartedly at Charlie.

“Stay as late as you want with Cas. I need to get some homework done.” And he turned and started up the stairs before Charlie or Cas could say a word.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not about me, Dean kept telling himself. He pulled a few days worth of clothes from his drawers and took the stack to Sam’s room, he came back for his backpack and a few other things, then last of all for the air mattress. Maybe he’d make Sammy switch off with him so he could sleep in a real bed sometimes.
> 
> He went back to his room to clear his desk. Cas would need a place to study away from everyone else, he’d need to focus even more if he was working too-
> 
> “Dean?” Charlie peeked her head into the room.
> 
> “Yeah. What’s up, Charlie?” She was going to want to talk and that was the last thing Dean was interested in.
> 
> “You’re upset so…” She waited for him to pick up where she’d left off, but he just continued stacking papers and moving his stuff around, wondering why half of it was even on the desk in the first place.
> 
> “Dean.” She said again.
> 
> He clenched his jaw. “There’s nothing to say, Charlie. I have to get this done before Cas wants to go to bed.”

_It’s not about me_ , Dean kept telling himself. He pulled a few days worth of clothes from his drawers and took the stack to Sam’s room, he came back for his backpack and a few other things, then last of all for the air mattress. Maybe he’d make Sammy switch off with him so he could sleep in a real bed sometimes.

 

He went back to his room to clear his desk. Cas would need a place to study away from everyone else, he’d need to focus even more if he was working too-

 

“Dean?” Charlie peeked her head into the room.

 

“Yeah. What’s up, Charlie?” She was going to want to talk and that was the last thing Dean was interested in.

 

“You’re upset so…” She waited for him to pick up where she’d left off, but he just continued stacking papers and moving his stuff around, wondering why half of it was even on the desk in the first place.

 

“Dean.” She said again.

 

He clenched his jaw. “There’s nothing to say, Charlie. I have to get this done before Cas wants to go to bed.”

 

“Why?” Charlie dipped her head down and her eyes widened as she tried to get him to look at her. Dean wouldn’t take the bait and kept stacking.

 

“He’s taking my room for awhile.”

 

Charlie nodded like she already knew.

 

“He told you?” Dean asked. He didn’t mean to sound so angry, but every word came out hard.

 

“Yeah. His parents suck. But I’m glad he has a good place to go.”

 

Dean took a bunch of stuff and stashed it in his closet. The rest needed to go to Sam’s room.

 

“So you don’t want to give up your room?”

 

He lost it then. “It’s not about the damn room!” he said far too loudly to not be heard by everyone else in the house. Dean pushed the door shut. He turned around and leaned against it, eyes up to the ceiling. Cas needed this. It was such a small thing to give, and he wasn’t selfish. It wasn’t about the room. It really wasn’t.

 

“Dean.” Charlie was at his side in an instant, hugging him and he let her. He even dropped an arm around her, and that turned into trying everything to keep from crying on her shoulder.

 

“What’s wrong?” She asked softly.

 

“Cas is- I don’t know… he’s going to break up with me.” Dean’s voice broke between words as he tried to keep tears from coming. “It’s too much with his parents and he needs to do it. I know that. I just… I don’t know what to do without him to talk to. He’s my best friend… and you too, Charlie… I…”

 

“I thought you worked everything out with him yesterday.”

 

“I thought so, but he… he talked with my dad and I don’t know what he said, but he definitely made it sound like he couldn’t… couldn’t…”

 

“Keep being your boyfriend?”

 

“Dad kept saying Cas needs a friend, not a boyfriend. Like I can’t be his friend while I’m his boyfriend. I-”

 

“You should talk to Cas.”

 

“He’s not really saying much right now.”

 

“I noticed. Try to stay calm about this and he’ll talk when he’s ready. You know Cas- he gets quiet sometimes.” She leaned back to try to look into his eyes, but Dean wouldn’t meet her gaze.

 

“This is different.” He swiped at his eyes to clear out the tears.

 

“Well, I do know you can’t freak out every time he gets quiet. And you definitely have to stop panicking that he’s going to break up with you. ”

 

She was right. That was why it was so hard to talk to her- she was always right about these sorts of things.

 

“I have to say,” Charlie continued. “That I have never seen you this upset, like, over anything- ever. It’s obvious you really like him and you’ve been really good friends for awhile now. I mean, I get it. But, you can’t lose track of who you are just because you date someone. You were Dean Winchester before you started dating him and you’re still Dean Winchester now.”

 

“I know that, Charlie.”

 

Charlie flashed a smile. “Then calm down and talk to him about it when he’s ready. Now what do you need help with?”

 

Dean and Charlie took the last of his necessary things to Sam’s room and stacked it in one corner. When they finished, she hugged him and said she had to get home to get some homework done. Dean walked her to the door and called goodbye as she walked out to her car.

 

When he closed the door behind her he walked past the living room where Cas and Sam were watching t.v. together. Cas saw him and Dean offered a weak smile and nod and headed upstairs. He flipped through the assignments his mother had brought home and deemed them all non-critical. All he wanted to do was sleep so he changed his clothes, parked himself on the air mattress, and did just that.

 

**************

 

Dean stretched and the air mattress squeaked beneath him. He leaned back a little and- he was not alone. Dean rolled, the air mattress complaining loudly, and came face to face with a wide awake Castiel.

 

“You okay?” He asked, suddenly awake himself.

 

Cas shook his head. “Can I sleep here?”

 

“It’s way more comfortable in my bed. You should go back there.”

 

“Would you come with me?” Cas asked.

 

“Yeah.” Of course he would. It was Cas asking him, sadness and worry all over his face. The air mattress squawked and creaked as they got up and Dean followed Cas to his own bedroom. Cas got in the bed first, just like he had the night before and Dean followed, putting a protective arm over Cas and holding him close to his chest.

 

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked.

 

“I haven’t been able to sleep at all.” Cas said. “You’re mad at me and I’m not sure what I did. I really can’t handle you being mad at me too with all the-”

 

“I’m not mad, Cas.”

 

“You moved your stuff to Sam’s room and you didn’t say anything to me after Charlie left and…”

 

“Dad asked me to move in with Sam so you had your own space.”

 

“I don’t really want my own space. Being alone is… I don’t want that.” Cas pulled him tighter.

 

Dean wasn’t really sure what to say, so he kept quiet. Cas hadn’t really spoken to him all day, not since they’d woken up on the couch together in the middle of the night. He had mumbled through, letting Dean lead him through breakfast and movies, and until the conversation with his dad Dean had felt good about it. He was giving Cas a break- letting him know they didn’t have to talk about the situation that he was in. He thought it was what he needed, but maybe not.

 

Cas weaved his fingers into Dean’s and held their meshed hands in front of his face. “I’m sorry this is such a mess with my parents.”

 

“Don’t worry about me, Cas. I just want you to be okay.”

 

“I will be. I’ve been thinking about college. I’m gonna go through the mail at my house every day before they get home and try to catch college letters before they see them. Hopefully I’ll get a scholarship and I can cover everything else for this year with what I make this summer.”

 

“I’ll help you, Cas.”

 

“I know you want to. I think… I think I want to do this on my own though. I need to do it.”

 

“On your own.” Dean barely said the words, but they hung between them, and Cas turned under Dean’s arm so they were face to face. A thin line of moonlight shot through the space between the wall and the blinds and fell across Cas’s cheek, cutting his ear off from the rest of his face.

 

“Not without you, Dean, just taking care of the school thing on my own.” Cas stole a glance at Dean’s lips. “I don’t want to be without you.” He kissed Dean gently and then looked straight into Dean’s eyes. “Please don’t think I want to do any of this without you.”

 

Dean nodded, but pulled back. Cas needs a friend right now. “Okay. Whatever you need.”

 

Cas frowned at him in the dim light. “What’s wrong? You said you weren’t mad, but-”

 

“I’m not.” Dean didn’t mean to snap back, but it came out wrong and Cas retreated even further. “Cas… I’m sorry. I- you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want, but did you tell my Dad something that implied that you and I need to not, you now, date? Because he said some things to me that made me think…” Dean stopped suddenly, the heat in his face screaming at him that he was blushing and even though it was dark, he couldn’t keep rambling.

 

Cas didn’t say anything, but the sliver of moonlight that had been playing over his face before now highlighted his profile. Dean waited. Everything felt too complicated now. Sure they had been close friends for awhile, but they had only been “together” for a few weeks, and had never even gone out together on a real date before for fear that Cas’s parents would find out. They had barely flirted with each other, and now Cas was living here, and in Dean’s bed, and not saying a word. He prepared himself- this was it. Cas was just trying to figure out how to say it all.

 

“I don’t think I did,” Cas said. “And if I did, it wasn’t an implication I intended. I guess… god, Dean- I don’t know. I’m not exactly mr. romance but it has got to ruin the dating thing with me staying here.”

 

“Why?”

 

“The surprise, anticipation? I don’t know. I haven’t exactly done the dating thing before.”

 

Dean laughed. “I already know that.”

 

“On one hand we don’t have to do the ‘get to know you’ stuff, and on the other, we do because the other things- the couple-type things are new. I don’t want to ruin that.”

 

“You aren’t ruining anything. And you’ve turned out to be pretty good at every couple-type thing you’ve tried so far. I mean we successfully sit next to each other and hold hands.” Dean brushed a hand up to Cas’s face and kissed him gently. “And the kissing thing is working out okay too.”

 

Cas’s smiled and kissed him back, brushing one hand against Dean’s cheek and then threaded his fingers around the back of Dean’s neck to hold him close. Dean’s hand had been draped over Castiel’s waist, but it came to life now, pressing into the small of Castiel’s back and keeping their bodies close.

 

Cas broke the kiss first and both were breathing heavy. “I think we can go on that date now.”

 

“Maybe Friday?”

 

Castiel nodded and kissed Dean again, a little more chastely this time. “More couple-type things to come,” he said with a grin.

 

****************

 

When Mary knocked on the door of Sam’s room to make sure her boys were up and getting ready for school, she found Sam still sleeping and the air mattress empty. She woke Sam and went down the hall, thinking Dean had maybe gone to the couch for the night, but the door to Dean’s room was open and she looked in there first. Dean was curled around Cas in the bed, both sleeping soundly.

 

She knocked firmly on the wide-open door and Dean popped up, sleepy-eyed and stretching.

 

“You need to get ready for school.” She said softly. “Make sure to wake Cas and when you’re ready would you join me in the kitchen, please?”

 

“Yeah, mom.” Dean yawned big and sat up to stretch even more. The air mattress hadn’t been awesome even for the few hours he’d used it.

 

“Cas, wake up.” Dean leaned over to Cas’s ear. “Cas, time for school.”

 

Cas swatted at Dean like he was a fly. “Sleepin’... go ‘way.”

 

“School, man. You already missed yesterday.”

 

“I know, I know. Up.”

 

Dean practically dragged Cas out of bed and set him up for a shower. Once Cas was actually getting ready, Dean went down to get some breakfast. He’d take a shower after Cas got out.

 

Mary sat still aside from raising her coffee cup to drink and then setting it back down again. She watched Dean get his oatmeal together and when he sat at the table to eat she smiled at him.

 

“I wanted to mention one thing to you.”

 

“Yeah, okay. What?” Dean said between bites.

 

“I recall that your father asked you to sleep in Sam’s room so Cas could have some space.”

 

“Yeah, but Cas couldn’t sleep. He was really worked up, so I laid down with him. Honest to god it was all innocent.” As Dean spoke he was more and more nervous as he realized what his mother was implying. He wasn’t a virgin, but there was no reason to get into that with his mom.

 

“That’s fine. I’m not telling you what to do. I just want you to give him space. I want you two to be careful.”

 

Dean frowned at her, trying to figure out what she meant, and when it hit him he sighed. “Oh, god, Mom. Can we not talk about safe sex over my oatmeal?”

 

Mary laughed. “So at dinner then? With Sam and Dad and Cas?”

 

“Mom, I know the drill. I’ll be careful, but we’re not even doing anything yet.”

 

Mary shrugged and took another sip of coffee. “I’ll have your dad talk to you when you are then.”

 

“Mom- come on. He’ll-”

 

She leaned over and patted his arm. “I’m kidding. Just be careful, okay?”

 

Dean nodded and turned back to his oatmeal, blushing all the way down his neck.

 

******************

 

Cas was still half asleep while Dean got dressed and ready. He had eaten breakfast with Sam while Dean was in the shower, but now he was back in the bed, eyes closed and arm thrown over top to protect from the light.

 

“You’re missing a show.” Dean said as he buttoned his jeans.

 

“I slept three hours last night, Dean.” Cas complained.

 

“I’m just saying. Here I am putting on clothes and you’re not watching.”

 

Cas smiled, but didn’t look. “If you were taking off clothes maybe you’d have a better chance.”

 

“That can be arranged, you know.” That got a look out of Cas and Dean laughed.

 

“Not now, Cas.” Dean pulled his shirt over his head and sat on the bed to pull on his socks and shoes. “My mom was trying to talk to me about safe sex over breakfast.”

 

Cas could hardly speak for a moment. “What did you- I don’t- what did you say?”

 

Dean shrugged. “That I know what I’m doing and that you and I aren’t doing any of that yet.”

 

“You said ‘yet’? To your mother?” Cas paled.

 

“Dude, she’s not stupid.”

 

Cas stared into space. “I can barely talk to her as it is. How am I supposed to even look at her if she thinks I’m having sex with her son?”

 

Dean shrugged and grinned at him. “Well she knows we aren’t yet, so you have some time to figure it out. Grab your stuff.”

 

They held hands as they walked out to the car and reluctantly let go long enough to get in the car. Sam groaned and rolled his eyes when Cas scooted as far over as the seatbelt would allow and took Dean’s hand again in the impala.

 

“Shut up, Sammy,” Dean said over his shoulder, but he was smiling at Cas at the same time.

 

They dropped Sam off first as usual, and when they parked at the high school Cas squeezed Dean’s hand before he let go to get out. They both grabbed their backpacks and Dean met Cas behind the impala. As they walked in, Cas slid his hand into Dean’s again.

 

“So we’re doing this here, huh?” Dean asked with a smile.

 

“I’m ready, I think.”

 

Dean looked around. No one really seemed to notice. “What if I put my arm around you?”

 

Cas laughed, his nose crinkling the way Dean liked. “Sure.”

 

Dean let go of Cas’s hand to wrap an arm around his waist. He leaned in. “I can kiss you too if you want.”

 

“We’re already pushing PDA rules, Dean.” Cas said, his sensible side overriding again.

 

“I just figure that if we kiss out here everyone in the whole school will know by lunch and we can knock out any weirdness by the end of the day.”

 

That got Cas to laugh, and that was what Dean hoped for. He pulled him in, kissed him lightly and grinned as Cas blushed and sputtered.

 

“Walk me to class?” Dean asked when Cas calmed down.

 

“Whatever, Dean.” Cas tried his best to sound like he was blowing him off, but the smile offset the rolling of his eyes.

 

They had barely gotten in the building when someone yelled at them.

 

“Hey! I saw that, Winchester!” Dean and Cas both turned. Charlie was gaining on them fast, followed by Benny.

 

“Saw what, Red?”

 

“Oh, come on.” Benny drawled. “Y’all wanna share your news with the class?”

 

“What news? I don’t know about any news.” Dean glanced at Cas. “You know about any news?”

 

Castiel shrugged, playing along.

 

Charlie rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, you guys.” She looked at Benny. “That’s boyfriend number one-” she pointed at Cas. “and boyfriend number two.” she pointed at Dean.. “They’re kind of gaggy with how much they like each other.” She winked at Cas, but gave Dean a look.

 

“Hey, why am I boyfriend number two instead of number one?” Dean complained. “I’m the one that asked him out. Shouldn’t I-”

 

“Shut it, number two.” Charlie said with a wink. “See you in English.”

 

Benny clapped Dean on the shoulder as he passed and Dean and Cas walked down a few classrooms to where Dean would spend first period. He grinned at Cas. “See you later?”

 

“Of course.” Cas said, giving away one last shy smile before he moved down the hall to his own class.

 

Dean moved through his first class on automatic and when Charlie sat next to him in second period she focused her impossible grin on him.

 

“Stop it.”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m just so glad you guys worked it out. When I left last night I was really worried, but-”

 

“You were right, Charlie.”

 

“Excuse me?” Her eyebrows went up and her grin turned devilish. “What did you say?”

 

“You were right,” Dean mumbled. “I talked to him and asked what he said and we talked about it and it’s all worked out. You were right.”

 

Nothing could top the glee written all over her face. “I’ll have to make a plaque to honor this day: the day Dean Winchester admitted that I was right.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes as the bell rang to start class. Charlie leaned over as the teacher started to speak. “I’m glad you and Cas are good,” she whispered.

  
Dean smiled to himself. The last few days hadn’t been great, but Castiel was getting his feet back under him now, and they were going to keep talking and working things out. They _were_ good, and Dean expected it to only get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I greatly appreciate your comments.
> 
> You can find more of my work at captainawesomeellie.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I greatly appreciate your comments.
> 
> You can find more of my work at captainawesomeellie.tumblr.com


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